i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
