Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
