I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
