I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
