How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
