Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
