There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
