i permit you to call me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
