I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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