The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
