You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
