It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize