The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
