The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
