The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
