My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
