they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
