well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize