So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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