I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
