That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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