I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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