so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
