I hate your face
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
