Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
