the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
