If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
