You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
