just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
