Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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