Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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