he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
