when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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