What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
