He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
