the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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