Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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