Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
