Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
