the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
