Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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