I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
