absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
