Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
