why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
