is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
