I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize