I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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