I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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