Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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