whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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