The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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