please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
