If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
high people should be assigned attendants
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
