I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
