no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's blow job season.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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