the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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