How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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