So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
