she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Your cock deserves a montage
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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