May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
