i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
