dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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