Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
