Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
