Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
