dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Two words: nipple clamps
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