i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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