I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
