yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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