Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize