and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
we should paint friendship bongs
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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