I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize