do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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