i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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