You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
