Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
