I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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