he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
