She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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