I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
