I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize