12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
