Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
