Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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