Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
