Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize