im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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